Ceasefire Misadventures
by Dr. MeeM Ph.D. Mad Science
Summary: This is a tale of what the RED team does when off duty. There is going to be fighting between the teams in some chapters. Rated T for rude humour, swears and curses, blood/gore and Canadian English(Eh(No seriously, I spell using the Canadian way))
1. Chapter 1: Birthday

**_Chapter 1: Birthday_**

"Ceasefire days means no bullets, no fighting, no brawls whatsoever with the other team. Your respawn range is limited to your base. You may do whatever you want and

leave Mann Co. Premises. This Ceasefire will last 3 weeks." The announcement came over the intercom.

For everyone, it meant a different thing.

The RED Team was posted on Coldfront, and for Scout, it meant curling up in front of the TV, drinking Bonk! Atomic Punch, since he hated the cold. For Soldier, it meant what

else-talking to his heads and giving made up lectures on Sun Tzu. For the Pyro, it meant do whatever Engie was doing or building snowmen which he would eventually melt

them with his flamethrower. For the Demoman, watch TV with Scout or go skiing with Spy. For the Heavy, it was time to be a test subject for Medic or if Medic was away

skiing, it was time for him to make a nice Sandvich and bring a bottle of Vodka to go hunting. For the Engineer, day at the drawing board/Taking care of his stuff/crafting

with Pyro. For the Medic, composing on his violin or experimenting on either Heavy or once in a while, Demoman. He occasionally went skiing. For the Sniper, it meant

watching Heavy's back while he was hunting or skiing. For the Spy, an occasional day with BLU Scout's mother, skiing or smoking. This month's ceasefire was the longest yet,

3 weeks! Normally it meant a day or two of peace, then back to the battlefronts. Sometimes it meant a week of boring stuff, then the excitement of battle. When the Sniper,

Spy and Medic heard this they started packing up to go skiing. The Heavy was tired, so he curled up beside Sascha. The Demoman immediately grabbed some Scrumpy and

the Scout immediately grabbed some Bonk! and they flipped the TV on. The Scout wanted to watch the baseball match, but the Demo wanted to watch the soccer match, so

they started , the Sniper lit his pipe and got a book while Pyro and Engie headed outside to make some snow stuff.

The Soldier, for once, followed the Engie and Pyro outside with his shovel. After everyone had gone, there was suddenly a ring of the bell. The Soldier immediately rushed in

and yelled

"Are the BLU sonofabitches here to ambush us?" The Engie and Pyro followed him, and Pyro looked in the peephole.

"Mphis mmphcouts mph!" He exclaimed in surprise.

The Scout opened the door and and saw his mom standing there! "What the hell, ma! Ya never told us you were coming! Did the Announcer lady approve?" The Scout blurted out all at once.

"Don't worry chucklenuts! I got it all down!" The Demoman and Soldier smirked at the mention of Scout's pet name.

"Didja forget? It's ya birthday! And I got a gift for you!" Scout's mom continued.

"It is! June 14!" The Medic checked. "Yes! And Scout deserves a medal!" The Soldier exclaimed as he ran off to another room to get a medal.

"Make a wish, sweetie!" Scout's mom said as she brought out a chocolate cake. The Spy took it and placed it on a table. "I wish...that I will never have to do physicals again!" The Scout said.

"Nein! Unless you vant to die of caffeine, of course!" The Medic replied.

Scout's mom pulled out another case from her suitcase. "Here's ya gift!" She said, handing it to Scout.

"Wot… oh!" The Spy suddenly said.

The Scout opened it as Pyro left the room to get something. "Is this… A guitar ma?" Scout asked as he pulled the metal gunbai out of the case.

"No! It's a gunbai! Spy took me to Japan and we thought you would like dis!" Scout's mom replied, gesturing to Spy.

"I know that! That is a fan used by those Japanese communists!" Soldier said angrily.

"Whoa, whoa Soldier, let's not get angry over the fact that Scout has a gunbai. Scout, if ya want, I can turn it into a potential weapon for ya!" Engineer replied.

"Mph!" Pyro cried, returning with a eight gifts.

"These are for you, mate!" Sniper said to Scout. "We knew you'll forget your birthday so we prepared these! Now open mine first!" Soldier explained.

"Alright, alright." Scout sighed. Why did his ma always have to come at the worst moment possible? The first gift was from Engie.

"Sweet! Now this explains where my batting helmet went!" The Scout exclaimed after he saw what was inside. It was a soda hat, with two cans of Bonk! already on it. "Thanks Engie!"

The next gift was from Pyro. It was a fiery mace. "What can it do, Pyro?"

The Scout asked. "Mphurn mphit mmphround!" The Pyro replied.

Scout turned it around and found a tag written in Medic's handwriting. "The Sun-on-a-stick. It might slow you down in battle, but it will make you more deadly to burning

enemies." "This might come in handy! Thanks, Mumbles!"

The next gift was from Medic. "A Bonk! Boy mask! Doc! How didja know I wanted that? Thanks!" Was the Scout's surprised cry. The next was from Soldier.

"Solly, is this a fish?" The Scout asked in disbelief, pulling a mackerel out of the box.

"Affirmative!" Was all Soldier said.

The next gift was from Medic. "A Genuine #1 fan kit? You rock, doc!" The Scout exclaimed as he pulled out the Bonk! Atomizer signed by Saxton Hale himself.

He pulled open the Spy's gift, and it contained a balaclava. "Seriously? You expect me to be like you, Frenchie?" The Scout asked the Spy angrily, and the Spy just smirked.

"There's something else!" He said. "Is that your supply orders? And didja just order the new Public Enemy set for me? Guess you're not so bad after all!" Was all the Scout said.

The next gift was from Demo. "A soccer ball? Are you mocking me Demo?" The Scout remarked to the Demolitions Expert, recalling the debate over Baseball or Soccer. The cyclops just gave a drunken laugh.

The final gift was from sniper. "A sword? What's this label? The Three-Rune Blade? Could be useful!" Was the Scout's remarks on the weapon."Well, I reckon Pyro should be fixin' us all some lunch!" The Engineer said, checking the chore wheel.

"I'll do dat!" Scout's mom said. "Pyro can have a day off!" Everyone loved Scout's mom's cooking, especially the Spy.

" **WOOOOO! Wooo!** Whoo! What? The Demoman shouted as he returned from the supply pickup station, carrying a pallet of scrumpy and another pallet of Bonk!, water and wine.

"The Supplies are here!" Miss Pauling came over the intercom as everyone rushed to the supply station.

* * *

 **A/N My Second Fanfiction! Sorry for the comment on Japanese people I just had to make it seem like Soldier. Anyway, expect some delays on Mann Co.'s Last Stand since I've been focusing on this more. Please give me any comments or suggestions in the reviews, they would be very useful! Pleze credit my editor _The Lightninghawks_! **


	2. Chapter 2: Cold, Then Hot

_Chapter 2: Cold, then Hot_

 **Yes, Mann Co.'s Last Stand was taken down by me. I thought it was getting stupid, and the oWn stuff was getting old. Sorry that this chapter took so long. I was on vacation and kinda forgot. Also, if the new spacing looks weird, sorry! Thank sherlock shpee for the spacing. This chapter has referenced the Gun Mettle Update a bit. The class real names are from the Internet/made up. Here it is.**

 **Scout: Billy Charleston**

 **Solly: Jane Doe**

 **Pyro: Macarena Delgado**

 **Heavy: Mikhail Von CherinKov**

 **Demo: Tavish DeGroot**

 **Engie: Dell Conagher**

 **Sniper: Rick Mundy**

 **Medic: Josef Heilburg**

 **Spy: Achille Tristram**

 **Fem Medic: Helena Overheal**

 **Also, some of the items are made up. Anyways, enjoy!**

At the supply station, there was the normal train that came, delivering the supplies. A box has already been ripped open, and a Public Enemy set poster can be seen in it.

"This. Is. Awesome!" The Scout called, testing out the Baby Face's Blaster. Pyro pulled open his crate,which, this time, was surprisingly small. Medic looked in it and asked

"Gasoline...ja, ein pool? Ok, und a hammer?" The Medic spoke out loud. The hammer was labeled "The Powerjack". "Mphis mpis mph mmphew mmphpon!" The Pyro

explained. "Ja, ja. I read about it in ze catalog." The Medic called, walking to find his own box. He was worried that they had messed his order again, because the last time he

ordered painkillers, but they gave him a large health kit. This time he ordered coffee, painkillers, surgery knives, the Ubersaw and the Crusader's Crossbow. It was simple,

yet he still had that nagging feeling that they messed it up. As he spotted his crate, he opened it and pulled out an Ubersaw, a Crusader's Crossbow, the surgery knives,

painkillers with a "Sorry, Mate!" note, and… no coffee! He sighed and pushed the crate away. Meanwhile, the Soldier opened his crate to find an assembled Liberty Launcher.

The Engineer pulled out a crate with the Mann Co. Logo stenciled over another logo. "Sarif Industries!" The Engie said. "That means mah new stuff's in this crate!" As he

pulled out a futuristic shotgun. The Sniper also had a Sarif Industries crate. "It's like Christmas mornin'." The Sniper remarked as he pulled out a black sniper rifle. "Miss

Pauling, aren't we moving spots tomorrow?" The Scout realized. "Yeah! You guys are going to… Cactus Canyon!" She replied. "It's a new spot! It's in New Mexico, which is a

few hours' journey. You'll get there by plane." Everyone was surprised, because they rarely got new spots. Before, when they got new spots they were told in the Mann Co.

Catalog. "Does that mean we will have to take more taunt classes, Miss Pauling?" The Soldier asked, for (almost) every time they got new spots there were new taunt classes

registration forms in the catalog. "Yup! By the way, here's the new catalog. I made a copy for everyone! Heavy, you now have your own unique taunt, Spy, you got a new

taunt and all of you guys are getting a new taunt! It was Heavy's idea!" Everyone flipped through the catalog. "Ugh, Merde. While you gentlemen get a _danse_ (yes it's French

for dance), I will have to walk in zis box!" The Spy said, holding up the box that came with his catalog. The Heavy was trying out the new taunt for him, and the Soldier

started doing the Kazotsky Kick. "Dag naggit! Just as I get mah new Short Circuit I'll have to hand it over to be modified!" The Engineer said. "Und my bust of Hippocrates vill

might as vell be a decoration now!" The Medic said. "Und I won't even have a chance to use zis coat I got last time!" The Medic said, removing his Das Naggenvatcher to

scratch his head. "Mmere Mre Mph Mphs?" The Pyro asked, eagerly. "Sorry, Pyro. They forgot about the hats this time." The Pyro looked sad and turned away. "Alright! So,

did everyone get their stuff? I'm leaving!" Miss Pauling asked, then she started to walk away. "Oh, man! I hope that Cactus Canyon has air conditioning!" The Scout said,

recalling their Dusty Dustbowl base(no pun intended). "Well, lets all get packed up for tomorrow! Y'all want some lunch, don't ya?" The Engineer asked. "Ja! Who is cooking

today, Herr Engineer?" The Medic said. "Let's all give Scout's Mom a break, Me and the Doc will be cookin'." The Engie said. "Da! Is good day, Doktor! Heavy like heat! Is

different from cold, da?" The Heavy suddenly said. The Medic mumbled something about heatstroke, then walked off.

Back at the base…

"You sure you gentlemen don't need a hand?" The Scout's mom asked. "Nein, Frau Scout's mother! We have, agh, vat is it? 'got it covered'!" The Medic said. "Has Billy-ahem,

the Scout, givin' y'all too much trouble?" The Scout's mom asked. "Nein, except zat I just learned zat ve vill be getting a female colleague next veek! Her name is Helena

Overheal!" The Medic informed everyone. "Now, what should I call y'all gentlemen except ya class names?" The Scout's mom asked. "Well, there's no rule against it, so I

figure we should give ya a proper introduction. Dell Conagher. This team's Engineer. And I think it's ya second visit?" The Engineer addressed Scout's mom. "Yes, it is! Scout

has been naggin' me for a year to join y'all! And I agreed 3 monthsago, and here he is! He's coming now! " The Scout's mom informed everyone, and points to the door. "Hey

Doc, what are we havin' for lunch? I'm starvin' ova here!" The Scout called. "Don't worry! You can live vithout food for 61 days before you slip in a coma und die!" The Medic

replied, then burst into laughter with the Pyro, Engineer and Demoman. "What's the matter with you? What is funny?" The Heavy said. They just looked at him and laughed.

The doorbell rang. "I'll get it." The Engineer said. Miss Pauling stood there, with two more crates."Actually… You guys have 2 more deliveries. These are for Medic and Spy."

She said. They both came over. "Congratulations, you two! Medic, you have been awarded Medic of the Year by Mr. Hale and the Administrator, and your rewards are first, a

new Das Naggenvatcher with a special paint job, second, a Reclaimed Reanimator from the new catalog, assassin-grade, field tested with Uber count stat clock. Next is the

Specially Decorated Bonesaw. It has rubies instead of screws, your name and your emblem on the side and the blade is cast-iron. Finally, a cast-Australium Blutsauger with a

digital kill counter on the side, and the Medic of the Year badge. Spy, you have been awarded Spy of the year, and you will get a new fedora, a Diamondback with a special

paint job, a cast-Australium knife with a digital kill counter and a Spy of the Year badge. Better get packing, because your plane leaves in 3 hours." She concluded. "Your

female colleague will greet you at Cactus Canyon. Goodbye." She said, walking away.

"Just a second, Frau Pauling!" The Medic called.

"Yes?

"What about my coffee?"

 **Hope you guys enjoyed! Should I make the next chapter a lemon? I will include some fighting between the teams and some view on the BLU team. Just so you know! #WindowsIsBetterThanApple, over and out!**


	3. Chapter 3: ROBOTS!

_Chapter 3: ROBOTS!_

 **A/N: Yes, I am NOT going to make this chapter a lemon. There will be fighting between RED and BLU. BTW Blu Medic's name is going to be Karl Armbruster and RED Medic's brother(surprise surprise)'s name is going to be Luis Heilburg. This will reference The Winglet's Live and Let Spy. I do not own the video, he does. If you have any suggestions PM me!**

"Ceasefire is over. You will be defending Cactus Canyon tomorrow morning!" Was the announcement at 9:30 pm that night. "Yes! I vill get a chance to

use my new veapons!" The Medic exclaimed. Helena, who was still a Medic-In-Training, got the Medic's old gear, including his bloody old bonesaw, his battle scarred Quick-Fix and his battered Blutsauger. She had announced that the first chance she gets, she's going to the nearest Mann Co. repair shop and get the weapons fixed. The Medic had gone over the training course with her, and she feels she should be prepared for the battle tomorrow.

The Next Day...

"Mission begins in 10 minutes." The Announcer came over the speakers. The new Medi-Gun, the Medic realized, had a longer Uber time. The normal

lasted 8 minutes(Yes this is made up since that would make sense in an actual war), while the new one lasted 10 minutes. Helena had her heal beam tucked behind the Demo, who was laying down stickies everywhere and pipe-jumping all over the place, with Helena still attached by the heal beam. The Medic had his heal beam connected to their Soldier, dancing in front of the enemy spawn. Helena had the trainee badge, the Mercenary badge and the Medic's old battle-scarred Berliner's Bucket Helm.

They were walking around, trying to get used to the map. In a way, the Medic kind of felt sorry for the other team, having to explore it after the doors were open, and fight them at the same time. The enemy scout was laughing at them from inside of their base, and their Spy, who enjoyed his new Taunt very much, started trotting around in his box. The RED Spy was doing the same, and The Heavy seemed very amused by the Spy inside the box. The Medic scouted for good locations to whip outhis Blutsauger and get some shots on the enemy team. Suddenly, "5...4...3...2...1… BEGIN!" Came over the loudspeaker, and the Medic immediately flipped on his UberCharge metre, and the Soldier and him both became invincible. "Now Go!" The Medic cried. "You are weak! You are nothing but a bunch of cowards!" The Soldier yelled at a BLU Heavy, then blasted him to pieces. Out of the corner of his eye, Josef could see Helena popping her Uber on the Demoman, making him buffed way more than his normal health. Then he spotted a Spy behind Helena, about to backstab her. Without thinking, he whipped out his Australium Blutsauger and shot some syringes into the Spy. The Spy screamed, then fell to the ground, dead. Helena turned around and saw the Australium syringes in the Frenchman's chest, and gave a "Danke!" in Josef's direction. Meanwhile, the Soldier had picked up his new Shotgun, and shot the BLU Medic in the face. Then the UberCharge ended.

The Medic broke away from the Soldier, and saw Helena checking her Health on her wristwatch. He immediately flipped on his HealthWatch and checked Helena's health. 65! She was only at 65 health! He rushed over and trained his heal beam on her until her health went back up to a satisfying 150. Then, he charged back at the BLUs with his Blutsauger. "HYAAA!" He cried, sending the newly re-spawned BLU Medic back to respawn. Suddenly, he felt a knife in his back. The words "Surprise." Were the last he heard before getting sent to respawn.

Respawning felt like being sucked out of a thin tube. When Josef respawned, he saw the Demoman there, yelling at Helena. "Ay, Lass! Ya could have keep tha little beam on meh for longer! Then I wouldn't have been sent through teh bloody contraption an' ended back up here!" He yelled in Helena's face. "But… Herr Demoman, ze Quick-Fix vas uberheating, und if I kept it on you much longer, Ve vill die in a explosion! Und you vill be sent back to ze respawn anyvay! Und zen I vill have to spend my own refined getting a new one!" Helena retorted. "Herr Demoman, Frau Helena, Move! Schnell! Zey are at ze second point! Ve need to defend! Now GO!" The Medic commanded. They rushed towards the cart, Helena covering The Medic and Demoman while the Medic got his UberCharge ready. The Administrator announced that Helena had defended the point. The Scout gave a disappointed 'What' when he checked his killfeed, and it said he had only gotten 1 assist.

After that, more BLUs showed up, and they quickly slaughtered them. "Vell, if Herr Spy vas here, he vould say 'Use zat shovel to dig a grave for yourself!'" The Medic joked, pointing at the lifeless BLU Soldier's body, right after the Administrator has announced that the Medic was dominating him.

*BLU Med POV*

That Night...

It wasn't fair. That Josef Heilburg was superior to him in every way. A better Grammar Nazi(No pun reference intended), a better Medi-Gun, taller, braver, more experienced, a better hat and a better team. Now he had to win the Medic of the year award. Of course. Even an idiot like Saxton Hale can see it. Now, hecould hear his team having a 2-victory in a row party, acting like the Administrator had never announced their 'Humiliating Defeat'. Like how he had never been dissected live by that female Medic, what's her name again? Helena. A perfect German name. He sighed. He remembered when he was still a trainee, sent here abruptly when their old Medic died in a brutal Decade Arena Match. At that time, Josef was also a trainee. But on the first battle, he had hated Josef because his first domination was on him, Karl Armbruster. The Administrator had sent him a Congratulations package, and that is where he got his signature Das Naggenvatcher helmet. Even his hat was more superior, going on the Mercenary Market for 12.66 ref. It used to be 2.66 ref, but after his Medic Of The Year award, everybody wanted it. He had sold it to his brother, a Luis Heilburg. His new hat was valued at 4 buds currently, because it was One-of-its-kind. His hat is an old Mountain cap, worn by their old Medic in that brutal match. He decided to go down to the party, because the new Kazotsky Kick music was playing, and it's impossible to sleep through that. He went down, seeing the Femscout chatting away with their Engineer, drinking too much. "Doktor! You are finally here for leetle celebration!" The Heavy called out. "Today iz American celebration day call New Year!" He boomed. New Year? They gave us a fucking battle on New Year's? was the first thing in Karl's mind. He filled a plate with carrot sticks and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. He was going to write an angry letter to Blutarch. But he just realized that nobody knew where Blutarch nor the Administrator were. It was to prevent assassinations.

So, he went over to where the Soldier, Pyro, Demoman and Engineer were(The Engineer was suddenly sober). Every time Karl had to remind himself that what luck it was to have a Soldier whose IQ was above 90. There was a plan on the table. Karl started reading it "Step _eins,_ abandon Blutarch? Step two, run Operation Gear Grinder, ja, Step three, aquire robot blueprints from Gray? Step 4... Take over Mann Co! Ha! Brilliant, dummkopfs!" Karl exclaimed. This was a perfect chance to get back at Josef. "We have some new stuff for ya, doc! It's identical to the RED Medic's only blue and the hat isn't special. Now be careful, because we spent a key on that stuff!" The Engineer announced, holding up the items for Karl to inspect. "You'll be in charge of this operation, doc. As ya know, the Arena Match is in a few weeks. Gray-ahem, Mr. Mann, the new boss,that is, had given us orders to utilize the robots in the Arena Match. Let's get packin, 'cause we're leaving for Well tomorrow."


	4. Chapter 4: Es ist Fertig

_Chapter 4:_ _es ist fertig_

 **A/N: HAVE ANOTHER CHAPTER! *Throws chapter at you and hides behind BLU Medic***

 **Anyway, The Winglet, if you're reading this, I will be using your awesome video and if you don't want**

 **me to, I will take it down if you wish.**

"Gosh, do we really hafta take a 13-hour train ride when then can just teleport us there?" The RED Scout complained, and sunk back in his seat. The RED team was in a Canadian National Train, because Well was in Canada. " _Oui_. Since we have been to Well not many times, zey have not set up a teleporter there!" The Spy responded as he threw away his cigarette. "How many times do I have to remind you, Herr Spy, zat zis train is a No-smoking zone! Do you vant ze attendants to come und fine you again? I can't pay zem vith Refined!" The Medic scolded the Spy angrily. They had no idea that the BLU team was crammed in a single First-class room, right down the hall. Since they lost the match, they had to be crammed but the RED team had 3 cabins, one for the offensive, one for the defensive and one for the support.

When Sniper went to the washroom, Scout immediately slid into Sniper's spot because he knew that Medic bought snacks. He sat down and grabbed a pack of pretzels. "Doc, Demo and Solly are fightin' again. Couldja bring out ya healing gun thing and heal them?" The Scout asked, stuffing a fistful of pretzels in his mouth. "First of all, Scout, it's called ze Medi-Gun. Second, ze Sniper vill get very pissed(no pun intended) if he finds out zat you ate his pretzels. Last of all, is zere anyvun in ze hallway? Because if I am going to use ze Medi-Gun, I don't vant three hundered people vatching!" The Medic responded. "Don't worry doc, all the peeps are in the dining room, eating while we get to have food brought to us! Anyway, will ya do it?" The Scout responded. "Alright. Can you get ze parcel for me, on ze baggage rack? Zey got me a new Medi-Gun because ze Reclaimed Reanimator broke down after vun Uber! It's called ze Spark of Life, und it's stat-clock attached and factory new!" He informed the Scout, who now started cutting it open with Spy's knife on the table.

"She's a beaut. Any chance of ya using it now, Doc? An' who ate my pretzels?" Sniper came in, holding two jars of Jarate. "Ja. Demoman und Soldier are having a fight again." The Medic responded calmly as he strapped on the backpack and flipped the Medi-Gun on. The Medic had a habit of remaining in full combat dress at all times, so he was wearing his Heat Of Winter coat, the special Das Naggenvatcher and his satchel."Doc, do ya really hafta wear all dat? I mean, if Snipes did that, his little 'anger' bandanna thing would make him die of heat!" The Scout asked, fanning himself with his bullet-hole ridden Fedora. "Ja. You never know vhen ve vill encounter enemies. Zat's why I wear zis satchel, to keep my Blutsauger in it. Anyway, move! Schnell!" When they entered the Offensive cabin, they found Soldier sitting there, with a black eye and a missing ear. "Finally, doc! You can heal my ear back!" He said when he saw the Spark of Life.

The Medic pushed the handle forward, and they saw the blood disappearing, the ear coming back and the bruise disappearing. "Thanks, doc!" Soldier said as they left for the Defensive cabin. They found Demoman with his eye patch ripped off and blood coming from his side. The Medic did the same and the Demoman was well again. Then he informed everyone to come to the support cabin. "As you all know, ve vill be having an Arena Match on Well. Und ve vill have anotha division of RED joining us, same vith BLU. Mein bruder's division vill be joining us, und I have reason to believe zat ze BLUs will get ze opposing team of mein bruder's. Some of you may not know, but in Arena respawn is down. So, you better get your dog tags ready, I can see Scout has already done so, and write your farewells to your family. I vant you to know zat you have been a great team." The Medic said. "Aye, doc! Ya have been a great doc!" The Demoman said. "But… vhat about me?" Helena asked. "Vell, Helena, velcome to your first arena match. Ze BLUs vill get an extra Soldier. Auf Weidersehn for now, let's get some sleep!" The Medic informed Helena and the rest of the team.

The RED base on Well…

"Josef! I thought I vould never see you again!" The Medic's brother, Luis Heilberg came running to Josef. "Guten tag, Luis. Zis is my team of… Dummkopfs." Josef calmly greeted his sibling. " Now, let's learn each other's names because ve cannot call each other by ze class names, except you, fraulein." Luis informed the group of Mercs, all clad in red winter combat gear. "I'm Billy Charleston." Was Josef's team's Scout's simple introduction. "And I'm Ryan Charleston." The other Scout announced. "Looks like ve are not ze only pair of twins!" Josef grinned. "I am Jane Doe and the other Patriot is John Doe, yes sirs!" The Soldier from Josef's team announced. "Mmph mph Macarena Delgato mph mpph mmph mpph, Joe." The Pyro from Luis' team announced. "Tavish and Stuart Degroot, Demolitions men." The Demomen announced. " I am Mikhail and zis is brother Ivan." Josef's Heavy announced. "I'm Dell Conagher, and this is mah brother Dean." Josef's Engineer announced. "As you all know, I am Josef Heilburg und zis is Luis, mein bruder." Josef introduced himself. "Name's Rick Mundy. This is my colleague Richard Mundee. No, we are not related." Josef's Sniper said. "Je suis Achille Tristam et cette mon frere, Pierre." Luis' Spy announced as Josef translated. "Respawn will be off in 5 minutes!" Was the announcement over the loudspeakers "Anyvay… I'm Helena Overheal, Medic-in-training." Helena announced. "Let's get ready! Achille, John, Billy, Dell, you are to move inside ze BLU base und not get noticed. Dell, you place down a teleporter und ve come through. Zen let's try to kill zem off und take ze intelligence. Now go!" Luis commanded.

Immediately, the ones that have been told to go left, and the rest went to their posts. Ivan went on defense with Tavish, while Ryan was readying his weapons. Luis and Josef both had full charges, so did Helena. Jane Doe readied his Liberty Launcher and his shotgun. The Pyros were drawing, and Dean placed down a sentry. Pierre disguise and played around with his knife.

45 minutes later…

"Everyvun! Look! Ze teleporter!" Luis cried out. Mikhail came along and stepped on it. "Da, this will help!" He said. Then, Luis stepped on, wearing a Physician's Procedure Mask, a Couvre Corner and the Gaiter Guards. Then, the two Snipers stepped on, one carrying an AWPer Hand and one carrying the Huntsman. After that, the Pyros stepped on and finally, Josef, Jane Doe and Helena. When they stepped out, they found themselves in the control room of Well, and they walked out. They saw BLU bodies everywhere. Josef pulled out the Spark of Life and trained it on Joe the Pyro. "MMphtivate mmph!" Joe shouted to Josef "Ja! Now go!" Josef yelled back as he popped the UberCharge.

The Spark of Life also had a longer UberCharge, lasting 13 minutes. Joe started laughing as he airblasted a Gibus Sniper off his perch. Suddenly, a movement caught Josef's eye. He saw a BLU Medic with the exact same cosmetics as himself. He could tell that the Medic was Karl Armbruster, but how did he get that stuff? Achille and Billy were tied up, and the BLU Medic pressed a button and shouted "Today, I AM A GOD!" Then, a deck full of Soldier-bots got lowered, and suddenly, Achille cut his bonds and grabbed his Ambassador. He got a shot on a Heavy before escaping. Billy ran off, then later returned with a Back Scatter in his hands. "First RED Death!" John shouted, pointing at a lifeless Dell. "Nrgh!" Josef grunted, then went over to check his pulse. He was dead, and his face was smashed into the ground, with his brains pouring out. Josef looked away, for even the Medi-Gun won't have a chance to heal him back. The Quick-Fix, maybe, but not Helena's old and tattered one. He left Dell's body there and whipped out his Blutsauger. He noticed Mikhail calling for him, but before he got there, Karl popped up and killed him with a syringe gun. Josef returned a few shots, but all of them missed.

Karl then shot a few syringes at Josef, but they missed as well. Achille chased after Karl, who was escaping with a Scout. Meanwhile, the Soldiers on the platform sprang to life, yelling things such as "You are Weak!", "Maggots!" and "Painis!". Luis immediately popped his charge on John, and he took out his Equalizer to beat the robots to death. After the Uber ended, Luis pulled out his Vita-Saw. He managed to fight off a few robots before being swarmed "Help me!" He cried out. Josef immediately rushed there and took out a few robots, but it was too late. They were tearing Luis to bits and pieces. Josef saw his brother's arm flying out, then his head and a foot. Then they tossed out a pair of lungs and his heart, with the Uber device attached.

Josef had heard long ago that Medics will have a self-Ubercharge under extreme grief or extreme rage. He felt it happening, the UberCharge coming by itself. He pulled out his bonesaw and took out all of the robots. He then went over to where John, Jane, Dean, Billy, Ryan, Helena,Tavish and Macarena were fighting. Achille's lifeless body was thrown across the room by somebody. There was two Soldier-Bots left, and Billy turned around to see who threw the body. Karl and a Heavy were standing at the entrance, laughing. Karl had a cut across his face, and Achille's dead body had multiple syringes stuck in it. Suddenly, Pierre popped up, screaming as he shot a bullet in the Heavy's head. Karl, however, turned around and whacked him to death with a Solemn Vow. Without thinking, Josef sent Karl a duel request. Karl accepted and Josef walked over to where Karl was standing. "It's just you and me now, _arschloch_ (It's German for Motherfucker)!" Karl sneered. "Vhy don't ve settle zis right now, _schweinehund_." Josef retorted, then whipped out his Blutsauger. Karl whipped out his syringe gun, and they walked 10 steps back. Josef immediately shot out a few syringes, but Karl dodged all of them. Karl then pulled out his Solemn Vow and charged straight at Josef. Josef shot 2 more syringes, one hitting Karl on the arm, then whipped out his Bonesaw. He aimed for a blow against Karl's arm, but Karl blocked it. Then, Karl whacked him on the arm with the Blutsauger equipped, and he dropped it. Josef then aimed for his neck, but Karl blocked it as well. Karl immediately whacked Josef in the face, cracking the lense on his glasses. Karl had forgotten that Josef still had his Bonesaw in his hand, and Josef faintly whispered "I'm going to saw through your bones." then thrust the Bonesaw into Karl's heart, then pulled it out with such force, that it made pieces of Karl's heart and lungs fall out. Karl screamed, then said "You won in ze beginning. Now I shall win."

With that, Karl pressed a button on his Solemn Vow, and it started beeping. A bomb! Acting fast, Josef broke the bust apart and threw it across the room before whispering back to Karl " _Es ist fertig._ "

 **A/N: Guys, this will not be the last chapter. I chose this title because lots of lives come to an end here. Don't worry, I plan to make this at least 20 chapters.**


	5. Chapter 5: Back to Home

_Chapter 5: Back to Home_

It had been four weeks since that brutal arena match, and Josef still didn't forget watching his brother being torn to pieces. He had heard that Miss Pauling dismissed all of the BLUs that were fighting them, and tossed Karl Armbruster's body in a ditch. Luis' body had been sent back to his wife. Josef thought about his own wife, whom he had promised an Australium ring when he got back home. He wondered if she thought he was dead. They were being moved to Germany, in Rottenburg. Josef's perked up when he heard this. Rottenburg! Where his family was! Apparently, Gray Mann had sent robots there, so Josef felt pride in defending his own hometown. He had been assigned some new team members, a new Spy, a new Engineer, a new Sniper. They were aboard a plane for Stuttgart, and they will take a bus to Rottenburg. Billy said that he would want to hook up with some "Hot German chicks", and Jane had said that he will teach those 'Nazis' about America. Hearing that, Helena gave Jane a long lecture on racism, but Jane repeated what he had said again after she was done. Helena officially announced that Jane was a hopeless case, and she returned to her seat. They had the entire first-class just for them, and food brought to them at will. The Scout immediately gorged himself with Bonk! Atomic punch, Root beer and chips. The Sniper started watching a documentary on Australia, and the Demoman fell asleep. Josef listened to some music, then turned on a movie. He wondered what Rottenburg was like. After all, he'd been fighting for 3 years. It was a 9-hour flight, and they took off at two in the morning. They had just gotten the announcement that they will be landing in less than half an hour. Josef and Helena had agreed to be the translators, even though their new Spy, Francois said he knew some German. The new Heavy went throwing up in the washroom as Billy stashed some Bonk! into his backpack. As they landed, Josef got a view of the familiar landscape of Stuttgart, where he had grown up. Helena was from Berlin, but she looked pleased to see Germany again. As they got off, Josef and Helena directed them to their weapon-pick up. As they got all their stuff, they boarded a bus for Rottenburg. The drive was only 45 minutes, and they were greeted by a group of villagers. Josef immediately saw his wife, with his son, wearing a Mann Co. cap. She greeted Josef with a hug, and Josef introduced everyone. She led them to their clean and tidy base and upgrade station, which was built and furnished by the villagers. They each got a bunk, and went to visit the upgrade station. Billy propped down on his bunk and crunched on some chips he had saved, while Josef, Helena, the new Engineer, Pete, reviewed the battle plans. They were to pick off as much robots as possible from a distance, and then charge in. They were announced that the next robot attack will occur 2 weeks later. "IF I HAVE TO CRACK SOME ROBOT SKULLS I WILL!" The Soldier announced to Josef's wife, asking them what their battle plan was. Josef's wife was frightened by his rash behaviour, and went out of the room. Everyone decided to go touring the village after, so they did. Scout bought some snacks and tried to hook up with the local bar girl. The Engineer just shook his head sadly and said "Ya just ain't doin' it right." and went over and said to the girl "Guten tag. Mein kamerad, die Scout, ist psychisch labil(Good day, my comrade, the Scout, is mentally unstable)." The girl chuckled, and Scout asked what the Engineer said, and he just laughed in his face. Medic and Sniper came strolling in, with a few bags of stuff. "Ve got some new gear for everyvun at ze Mann Co. store down at ze corner. Helena is still zere, shopping." The Medic explained, sat down and ordered a beer. Sniper took out a hat he bought, the Brim-Full of Bullets and put it on. He ordered some coffee, and sat down as well. Sniper handed Scout a cooler and a pair of socks. They talked about what they thought the robots would look. Scout thought they would look like normal people, Sniper thought that they were going to be yellow and Medic thought they were going to be robot versions of themselves. Medic was right. They were robot copies of themselves, since that they got a flyer saying feel free to attach robot Heavy or Engineer heads to their weapons. They all headed back to the base with Helena, who had three bulging bags of merchandise. "Mein Gott, Helena! How much did you spend?" The Medic exclaimed. "Around thirteen buds!" Helena replied, giggling. The Scout gasped, then read the price tag of the cooler and socks. "Snipes, thanks for da genuine, but… 4 buds? I don't have dat much!" Scout remarked at the price. Sniper just laughed. "Naa, mate. You can pay me back in a while." They all walked back to the base, where they sat. Helena bought herself a strange Quick-Fix, a strange Blutsauger and a strange Bonesaw. She got around 15 cosmetics, which she soon realized she could not wear all at a time. Scout lay on his bed, sleeping while Medic went in the Medical bay to experiment on Demo. Spy was buying more things in town, since he realized cigarettes are cheaper. Sniper was getting a paint job on his SMG done at the Mann Co. shop, Engineer was setting up teleports, and Pyro was playing with Heavy. Soldier seemed to be eating something that he found on the floor. Medic looked, and found a moldy hamburger. "Soldier! Throw zat avay! It's disgusting!" He yelled, as Soldier grinned. "Negatory! It is shaped like the great country of America!" He said, showing Medic the hamburger. "Hmm… Interesting... " He said, looking at it. "Except zat it's filthy! I vill take a picture of it. Throw it out!" He replied, grabbing the hamburger with his gloved hand and tossing it in the trash. "NOOOOOOO!" Soldier cried, sobbing. Medic shook his head and walked back. He tossed to Soldier Demo's blackening liver, and cried "Vell, if zat looked like America, zis looks like Germany!" Soldier studied it carefully before putting it in a safe.

"Ay!" Demoman cried, rising up from the surgery table.

"I'm still awake, ya know!"


	6. Chapter 6: Do Robots Bleed, Mate?

_Chapter 6: Do Robots Bleed, Mate?_

 **A/N:This chapter will mainly focus more on the other members of the team, like Sniper and Demo. Sorry for the short chapter, I will post another one later in the day. Enjoy!**

"Oy! Lemme have a refund, mate! This knife's made of plastic, not metal!" Sniper yelled at the clerk behind the desk. "You could choose anoza veapon, but you vill not get a refund!" The clerk responded, gesturing to the kukri section. Sniper muttered something about kangaroo piss, then went over to

look. "This looks good, mate!" He said, holding up a Tribalman's Shiv. "Alright. Give me ze old knife und you have zat vun." The clerk answered. Sniper tossed the plastic knife over the counter and grabbed the Shiv. "One more thing." He said.

"Yes?"

"Do robots bleed, mate?"

DEMO POV

"An' one time, we blew up the tiny briefcase an' the lass in purple got really mad!" Demo explained drunkenly. It gained a laugh from everyone else in the bar. "Ay, I gon'ta be gettin' back now, lads!" He cried, with a beer still in his hand. He staggered out, bumping into Sniper with his new weapon. He muttered something, then staggered across the street. He was ran over by Medic's ambulance. The Medic immediately healed him back then gave him a lecture on self-control before driving him back to the base, still drunk. "Alert! Robots approaching! Will reach Rottenburg in thirty minutes!" Came the announcer's voice. Everyone got dressed, then grabbed their weapons. The Engineer set up sentries at the bomb hatch, while the Heavy spun up his Brass Beast. Everyone charged forward as the Demo laid down stickies at the bomb hatch. Medic got a full Uber by healing Soldier, who was rocket jumping all over the place. Sniper took a perch as the robots started flooding in.

"Defend Mann Co.!"

"Big robot's got the bomb!" Engineer cried as he desperately escaped with his sentry in his arms. "Danke!" Medic said, giving crits to the Soldier. "Dahh!" Soldier suddenly yelled, falling to the ground. "Soldier is dead!" Medic scouted the area for people to heal. "Argh. Dummkopfs!" He mumbled as he activated his UberCharge canteen and rushed in with his Blutsauger. He took out the Giant Soldier surprisingly fast, as he realized. "Finally, Heavy! Go!" He said to the Heavy standing still behind him "Not now. Doktor." The Heavy said in a robotic voice. A robot Spy! Medic shot a few syringed into the Spy, which killed it. "MEEEEEDIC! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDIC! HELP MEH! MEEEEDIC!" Came a sticky-jumping Demoman's voice, closely pursued by robot Soldiers. "I'm coming! Stay down!" He yelled back, dashing to where he calculated Demo will land. Just as he came in range, Medic popped his last UberCharge canteen on the Demoman. "Thanks, doc!" He replied gratefully as he blasted a few robots to scrap. "Ah, the fook! Big robot, lad!" Demo mumbled, pointing at the giant version of himself. "Oh, _merde_. Spy said as he facepalmed as he un-cloaked behind the group. "Huttah!" Soldier cried suddenly, emerging out of the upgrade station and releasing a clip of nine rockets on the robot. "That's what kept you maggots waiting!" He explained, as Spy started laughing maniacally. "On hon hon hon, snort hon hon hon!" He snorted as he pointed to a dead robot Medic and Heavy, having died very awkwardly. "Spy, vhat have you been smoking? I vill have to… Oh. HOOO HOO HOO! HAHAHAHA!" Medic realizes, relaxing since the administrator had just announced that Gray had stopped the robot horde for today.

"Lohohohohaha, lohoHAhahaha!"

Everyone came over, saw and laughed. It was surprising to Demo how everyone can talk and laugh in battle, just as they used to. Some of their teammates that survived the arena match were kind of quiet, and it felt like that Rottenburg was restoring everyone's energy. The team head back as they had another tour, under their belts.


End file.
